You Deserve to Know
by theonelove17
Summary: Damon writes Elena a letter after he finds out some news. Set right after Season 3
1. You Deserve To Know

Dear Elena,

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this. I don't like to write, I can't write, and no matter how hard I try, my words never seem to come out right. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, none of it will really explain the words I'm about to say. I hope one day you'll be able to understand why I said it, why I'm leaving, why all of this is happening. I'm not… I'm not a good person, Elena, and by now you already know this. As much as I want to be good… good for you… I know it'll never happen. I'm a monster, and I don't want to hurt you. As much as I have an appeal for you, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I killed you. I can't even think about what I'd do if I killed you. Anyway…

Back to where I was. I'm leaving, Elena. I know my brother is the better choice for you. As much as I hate to admit it, I know he's going to love you with his whole heart, and he'll do everything in his power to protect you. Before you… passed, he and I made a deal. If you chose him, I'd leave town, and if you chose me, he'd leave. That choice was made when you went back to him, and although you won't read this/won't see it until I'm long gone; I just wanted to live up to my word and mean it for once. I know you're not going to understand, especially after everything… me kissing you, you kissing me… I know it's hard for you, and I know with this new step, it'll be hard. But we survive, Elena. Just like you said, we always survive.

You should know a few things for when you wake up. I know Stefan's gonna give you this anyway, so please, understand these things. I compelled you twice. Before your parents died, we had met. You were at the bonfire, you'd just gotten into a fight with Matt and you were on the phone with Bonnie, waiting for your mom to pick you up. You told me that you didn't want what he had to offer, and that you didn't know what you wanted. I told you that you wanted a love that consumes you, along with a life full of passion, adventure, and a little bit of danger. Sure enough, after being back in Mystic Falls for three years, you've gotten all of those things. When we first met, I wasn't supposed to be back in town just yet. I compelled you to forget I was there, but I told you that you should get everything you were looking for, no matter what. I never regret compelling you, that time, because I knew that we'd meet again someday. Even if I wasn't your choice, you made an impact on me, and you've changed me in ways I'll never be able to think of again.

The last time I compelled you was in your bedroom. I gave you your necklace back, and I admitted that I loved you. I told you that my brother deserves you, and to this day, I still think he does. Even with everything he's done, everything he's gone through, he's never been selfish with you. I compelled you to forget that because it was right, but not right then. I've never stopped loving you, Elena, and I probably never will. But for now, this is what's best. It's best for you so you can figure out your life, and it's best for me so I can learn to forget. I'm never going to forget what you've done for me, Elena. You've saved me from myself in so many ways, I've stopped keeping a check on it. No matter what happens, I'll always choose you. Remember that, Elena.

I'm so sorry that you have to lose me, but you can't always get what you want. That's what makes you selfish. You can't have us both, and you can't have everyone in your life because it becomes easy for you. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm a little drunk, I guess. You met him first. Even knowing what you know now, you've always loved him first. You've always loved him the hardest. Even with everything we've had, it's always been Stefan.

I can't keep writing. I'm running out of room, and I don't really wanna ask the bartender for another piece of paper. I've got a reputation to uphold, you know.

I love you, Elena. I'll always love you. I'm sorry it has to be like this, but a deal's a deal.

-Damon

Elena looked over the letter, clutching onto her necklace as she read his letter, walking around the Salvatore house as she read. She asked Stefan to leave, and she sighed, as she continued reading. It made sense. All of it. Every move Damon had made over the years, everything he had done, he's done for love. For _her _love. She felt her throat close up, and she bit her lip as she shook her head. It all made sense. It was all coming back to her. Even through the smudges and the wet marks that could've easily been from tears, she knew what he meant. She understood, and it all made sense, but she didn't want it to be real. As much as she loved Stefan, she knew that they had met first. Officially. She had met him first, and they would've been together. She swallowed hard, before grabbing a pen and a piece of paper.

Damon,

I got your letter. You better not be doing anything stupid. I remember all of it. The night of the bonfire, in my bedroom, it all makes sense now. Although I love Stefan, the pull I have towards you was tugging just as much. I know you say you're the bad guy, and a monster, and that Stefan deserves me because he treats me right, but you deserve me too. You've put your life on the line for him… for _me. _There are a lot of things that need to happen… but I'm not going to watch as you destroy your life again. You're better than that, and we both know it. I care about you, Damon. Even with everything that's happened, I care.

I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't feel something for you. And I wouldn't be spilling all of these tears if you didn't mean anything to me. I'm sorry you've been hurt, especially by me. I know it wasn't easy, living your life as you watched your younger brother take the place you should've been in. It wasn't fair. But I understand why you did it. Although I'm surprised why you said you're glad it happened, I can understand why you compelled me to forget. I'm not entirely sure, but it means something to me.

I don't know why I'm writing this, or if you'll even get it, but I have hope. I have hope in the postal service, just like I have hope in you. In us. They say if you love two people, go with the second, because I have hope in you. _In us_. They say if you love two people, choose the second because you were really in love with the first one, you wouldn't be in love with the second. And I believe in that. Even with the compulsion, I know I loved you second. I got to know you after Stefan, even if there was a constant pull with you. What I'm saying is that I'm choosing you, Damon. Stefan already knows, and he's sending this letter to where you are. You deserve to know, Damon.

Love,

Elena.


	2. Part 2

AUTHORS NOTE: After the overwhelming amount of reviews and favorites, I've decided that I'm going to be adding more to this story! I don't know how much I'm going to be adding, but you guys truly do wonders. And even after this one, I plan on writing a LOT more for these two. Anything to keep our hearts content until October, right? Thank you so much for reading my work, it means a lot, truly!

As he closed his eyes, he couldn't shake the thought of Elena. When they first met, there was so much more he wanted to say to her, things he wouldn't have told anyone else. He wanted to stay there all night and just _talk. _He wanted to be that guy, even if his current state wouldn't have allowed for it. Within that moment, he could've sworn that she was Katherine. Except she wasn't. She was innocent, sweet, kind, everything Katherine lacked, Elena had plenty of. That night felt like it lasted forever, even if it were only a couple of minutes. A couple of minutes that he had spent just figuring out key details was the highlight of his life at that moment. She was something different to him.

"**Katherine," he whispered quietly, making it barely audible for the other girl to hear. He looked towards her, wondering if it really was Katherine, and if she was really alive again. A million of things rushed into his head, wondering how he'd handle it if it really was her.**

"**No… I'm Elena," the girl said, confusion in her voice.**

"**Oh," Damon said, trying not to let his tone falter as he looked back at her. He pursed his lips together, before looking back at her. "I'm Damon."**

**He watched as she looked back at her, her face still confused, but more confident. " Not to be rude or anything, Damon, but isn't it kind of creepy to be out in the middle of nowhere?" She asked, looking back at him with a look that could kill. He watched and fought back a smile.**

"**I could ask you the same thing."**

"**Got into a fight with my boyfriend," she said, holding up her cell phone.**

**He looked back at her, raising an eyebrow as he shifted his feet. "About what? If I may ask?"**

"**Life," she said. "He's got it all mapped out for me."**

"**And you don't want it?" He watched as she hesitated, before shaking her head. **

"**I don't know what I want…" she trailed off, shaking her head.**

"**Well of course you do. You want what everybody wants."**

"**And what's that? Mysterious stranger that knows all the answers?"**

**He laughed to himself, before looking back at her. "You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, romance, adventure, and even a little bit of danger," he said, looking back at her with a smile.**

**She stared at him, looking directly into his blue eyes as he talked, her face calm. "Oh yeah? And what do you want?" She asked, smiling back at him, before hearing the familiar car horn of her mom's car.**

Damon woke up, looking around his old hotel room, his breathing a bit more rapid than normal. He cracked his back out of habit, before sighing deeply. "You," he whispered, before throwing on a black t-shirt. He walked over to the liquor, before taking a drink of the scotch that had been there the night before. He walked around the room, seeing it's current state not really changing much since the night before. There were bottles broke, his clothes were all over the floor, and there were quite a few holes in the wall. All because of one girl. All because of _her. _He couldn't even begin to think about how much he loved her, and how much it was hurting to be away from her. She needed friends right now, and he was a friend to her. He loved her, but he'd settle with friends. He looked back over at the wall, before seeing something different in the room. A small white envelope was in the middle of the floor right by the door. He sighed as he bent down to get it, before turning it around before seeing who it was from. _Damon_ was scrawled across the letter, and he immediately got a pain in his chest. There was no way it was from her. He didn't get his letter. His mind must've been playing tricks on him. Maybe he was finally getting delusional. Maybe he'd finally die for once. This was it. He opened up the letter, before looking back at the handwriting. It was from her. The pain in his chest went from sadness to remorse, from happiness to excitement, and then back again. He sat down, letting his eyes start to wander on that piece of paper. His throat swelled up, a wave of guilt overcoming his body. He looked over the words, having to re-read a couple of times to prove to himself that it was real. Not just the letter, but the feeling. _Her love._

He rubbed his temples together, before grabbing his coat and walking out the door, his letter still in hand. He needed to see her, he needed to hear those words for himself. A letter only did so much, no matter what it said. He started his car, rushing off towards Mystic Falls. He knew that she was waiting for something; anything to ease her mind. He debated on calling her, but he refused. When he heard from her again, it would be genuine. It would be _real. _He kept re-reading the letter in his head, and it only made his longing for her worse. He needed to know that she was okay… he needed to know that no matter how long it'd take for him, she'd still believe in him. That letter only made his heart hurt worse, something that was uncommon for vampires, especially him. He closed his eyes, wishing he could be there now. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. That he would never leave again. That's all he wanted, and it ached him that it wasn't so simple. _Only 2000 miles to go_, he thought, pushing the gas pedal even faster.

**He watched as Elena came out from the bathroom, looking back at him. "Seriously, Damon?" She muttered, looking at him with tired eyes. "What do you want?"**

**He looked back at her from her bed, laying down. "Comfy," he said quietly, looking back at her with a smirk, ignoring her question. He watched as she got into bed, irritated that he couldn't just leave her alone for one night. He looked back at her, softening his eyes. "You know what I want, Elena," he said, looking back at her, a smirk appearing on his lips once more.**

**She rolled his eyes, playfully hitting his shoulder. "Funny, Damon. But seriously, I'm tired, can't this wait until tomorrow?" She asked, looking back at him as she turned onto her side.**

**He looked back at her and gave a half smile, before shaking his head. "I don't wanna wait," he said, reaching his hand over to grab onto hers. She looked back at him, her breathing picking up as he grabbed her hand. She reached for his grasp, feeling as he moved from her left side to right about her, his knees moving to either side of her. He moved some loose strands of hair out of the way, as he leaned down to kiss her. She moaned into the kiss, grabbing his shoulders to pull him down closer to him. He closed his eyes, feeling as she kissed him back. She moved her hands to roam underneath his shirt, and he kissed her neck, letting out a small whimper of want and desire. "Elena," he whimpered out as she removed his shirt. He looked back over towards the small girl, moving his lips along with hers. She moved her lips, pulling away to look up at him.**

"**Watch out, Damon," she said with a small grin.**

"**What?" He asked, still in the moment, his eyes already glazing over. **

"**Damon, look out!" She screamed, looking back towards the road.**

Damon swerved off the road, dodging a tree as he tried to slow his car down. He grabbed the letter and his jacket, before rolling out of the car. The car hit a tree a few moments later, blowing it up instantaneous. He looked back, rolling his eyes before walking away. He grabbed his phone, and he dialed Stefan's number. _Not_ the way he wanted things to go.


End file.
